ManAlive News June 2005
Editorial
We are changing the direction of our newsletter. At the moment it reads as just publicity material for our programmes. We are now looking to highlight issues that affect men and make it more informative. The publicity for programmes will be reduced and people can go to the website for in depth information.
Cheers, Alan Blackburn - Chief Executive.
Briefing from Mens Summit held 6th May, 2005.
The first NZ Men's Summit was held on the 6th May and was opened by Mayor Bob and John Tamihere. Here are some notes on the speeches by the key speakers. These notes are courtesy of Michelle Mann, Coordinator, Waitakere Health Link, so are in her dialogue.
Interesting fact - and something I didn't know - Mayor Bob Harvey co-wrote a book with Tom Scott 20 odd years ago on fathering: 'Hey Dad!'. I liked particularly the way Bob opened the summit by endorsing the fact it was not about men vs. women; there is no competition involved.
John Tamihere:
- Data shows increases in male suicide, and self-harm yet decreases in males taking up professions, trades and university studies
- One third of NZ families don't have male role models in the home
- "In NZ we tend to overcompensate for the 5% bad buggers and the other 95% have to wear it."
- "No where has it been asked - do men have the skill set to deal with caring for children? But there has been a big swing in roles in modern families to share-care."
Bruce Mackie, former Director Lifeline NZ, co-founder Men's Line:
- "Growing awareness in men's health needs to be tackled worldwide. In the big picture the quality of male health is directly related to the endless cycle of abuse, growth in prison numbers and an overloaded justice system - the subsequent cost to is phenomenal." [J.Watson 2000]
- It is commonly said that the state of men's health is their own fault. While it is true men don't look after themselves well, the pressures that lead men to behave like this (excess alcohol, drugs, fatty foods) has not been drilled down into them
- "International conferences and even major texts on suicide focus heavily on risk and seldom tackle the topic from a gender perspective."
- Risk factors for suicide - top of the list being male
- "Non treated male mental ill health leads to individual suffering, social degradation and isolation affecting family and social cohesion." [WHO Europe]
- "Healthy wellbeing and happiness are a reflection of the human spirit. Without an intense awareness of our wisdom, a strong vision of role, a deep sense of calling - a lofty and noble dream of the new world- men will continue to be sick and die."
Warwick Pudney - Men & Violence:
- Costs of being tough (emotional shutdown) - men die earlier than women, suffer more injuries at the hands of each other, express anger easier or, instead of other emotions
- "Many violent incidents to men go unreported." - (male to male, female to male)
- "Even 1% of violence male to male, female to male is 1% too many, and is destructive to our society."
- Male perpetrators need support and training in emotional/relational matters to assist changes rehabilitation not punishment
- Male victims need police to change their attitude to assisting men making complaints of violence
- support for men who are victims
- specialist services in Family Court
- Men to take responsibility
- Recognition that fathers are important
Celia Lashlie: 'It's About Boys' (from an article by Jo Bailey)
If adolescent boys could tell their mothers one thing, what would it be? Chill out and stop asking so many questions, says Celia Lashlie. She posed the question to large groups of boys for her "Good Man" schools project about what makes a good man in the 21st century. Boys want their mothers to understand they know she's there, that she cares and that they will talk to her if something big happens in their lives, but they also need some space from her on their journey to manhood. That's not to say our young men should be left to their own devices. Quite the contrary, says Ms Lashlie. What they do need is a lot less mollycoddling from mum and significantly more time spent with the good men in their lives.
The validity of being male appears to have been undermined. This is seen in male suicide rates, imprisonment rates and the road toll. The project tried to tap the potential of schools to identify more positive rites of passage, those that celebrate manhood and maleness. Ms Lashlie hopes her report, It's About Boys, will influence the direction taken by boys' schools in the education of their students...
"A theme that emerged very quickly during my visits to the schools was that a great many mothers are over-involved in their sons' lives, while many students said they lack a real relationship with their father. We witnessed the importance of mothers withdrawing and fathers becoming more involved at this critical stage in their sons' development" ...
The challenge then for fathers is to become much more visible in their relationship with their sons and to know stuff about them - who their best friend is, what their favourite food is, what music they like, what they scored in their last game, what subject they like, what teacher they hate."
She says mothers should never interfere in the relationship a boy has with his father, no matter what she thinks of him.
"Regardless of who their dad is, there is a tremendous urge in boys to want to know him, no matter how bad the news is. The mother has to take a deep breath, step back and let them have that relationship. If a boy doesn't find out who dad is at age 15, warts and all, he will still be looking at 55, with a string of broken relationships behind him."
Ms Lashlie says it's time we cracked open the politically correct stuff and started to reinforce good male touching.
"I have seen some amazing examples of touch in boys' schools. I saw one principal with a boy in a headlock, rubbing his head, saying 'are we going to tuck our shirt in sometime soon?' The boy was grinning from ear to ear. "Often the minute there is any suggestion of inappropriate touching, everyone backs off and leaves the teacher exposed. It starts from the base that all men are paedophiles, and that is just not fair. We really need to value our male teachers a lot more."
Schools should also consider accommodating the sheer physicality of boys.
ManAlive is a comprehensive men's centre, dedicated to working with and supporting men, youth and boys on issues that affect their lives. Our programmes and services are designed for men, by men.
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